Have you ever felt like you deserve an award for the Most Coward Person Ever Lived in this Planet because you just can't utter 3 major words who'll mean the world to you? Three words which has been the redicule and commonly used hypocrisy in our society. Those 3 words which can shatter an ego or soar our spirits high. Three. Words.
Simple, meaningful, and just words which would make the difference.
But is it even possible to love someone you've never seen, never touched, never personally encountered, never talked to you, and never really made an effort to love you back? Is it really cruel for me to fall for someone so out of reach, so out of my league, and so... away. Very much away from me, approximately 7000 miles and a time difference of 7 hours. That kind of away, literally.
Let's call him Tealus Knight.
I don't gush about it. Well, didn't until some 2 years ago when I can't stop smiling everytime I talk to him or I can't stop from blushing with just the very thought of him. A simple 3d interactive game was all it takes to meet this guy who made me feel anything but special. I made this complicated coz I eventually ended up falling in love with him, 6-feet head over heels in love with him.
I never had the chance to meet him personally, nor did I get the chance to talk to him over the phone. Everything was, and is, platonic. I leave a message on Facebook, he replies. I tweet, he retweets and @'d me. I go online, he's not. He tells me how time different sucks but he never made an effort equal to mine. Geez, I stay up until 4:00 AM just to check if he'll go online and more of often he's not. I check his pages frequently just to get the hang out of missing him. I think of sending him snail mails because I think it's cute and I hope it would give me a space in his heart. He crosses my mind every single breathing time that I have. He has become the reason why I want to draw again, make sketches, and just appreciate art. This is as complicated as Quantum Physics which I sincerely don't understand!
Everything I do now is because of him. I work because if I'll stay home, I'll do nothing but check his page every now and then. I want to stay home during the weekends to see if he'll go online. If he does, I want to talk about something that might interest him but since there's really nothing a lot in common between us, we talk about just anything else.
Songs I hear nowadays are songs about distance, missing someone, falling in love without having met him yet, and just about every think I can correlate to him. He's a beautiful distraction of my already messy life.
He's ever thing I want and he's everything but mine.
He talks about art, he makes good artworks, he's into Dr. Who which is a rather weird and fascinating for a TV series, he loves astronomy which is cool coz I would love to see stars, and he likes Physics. But my mind doesn't think Physics which makes me feel dumb and stupid every time I talk to him. I always feel bad for myself coz my confidence seemed to have lost its way to me. Having him around isn't helping my confidence at all. But without him, I think I'd be lost. With all his "geek-ness", he's this guy who happens to be at the wrong side of the world.
I watched The Sorcerer's Apprentice yesterday and this guy, David - the Prime Merlinian, is so much alike in some ways with this bizarre creature I think I love. Taelus Knight may not be the sole loser David was in the movie, but the entire duration of the movie - a whole 3 hours, I have thought about no one but Taelus. They both adore Physics and the complications of it, and they're both cute. He might not have a secret lab and no evil sorcerer hunting him, but I just can't help but picture him as that David who doesn't have an idea how gorgeous he is. But I prefer David when it comes to girls, he didn't flirt much with anyone else, unlike Tealus who has a lot these lady friends who for some reasons I am jealous of, a little... just very little, like a pint of jealousy.
Other than that, David wore hoodies. So good that it looked like Taelus wearing his gray hoodies in the middle of that tall grass or playing around the snow one super winter day in UK. I have always thought hoodies are cute but Taelus takes cuteness to the next level, like amazingly handsome creature with blue green eyes and slightly brownish blonde hair -- that kind of cute.
And every time I talk about him, I smile yet feel stupid because if I'll really think about it, we are total strangers and there's this .01% chance of seeing him. I've told myself so many times that I would start letting go of someone who was never mine, figure that out! But I can't. I don't see myself without him just yet. He has become this part of me which would leave me empty if he'll disappear. I felt like this once and he broke my heart without knowing. This time around, nothing's different PLUS the fact that there's this huge distance in between and I can never compete with distance. I can't beat proximity and I will never win against women who talks his 'language' (e.g.: arts, physics, solar system, etc). But stupid as I am, I don't see myself with somebody else, just him.
Taelus Knight and VickyCee.
Tom and Dhem.
Us.
Simple, meaningful, and just words which would make the difference.
But is it even possible to love someone you've never seen, never touched, never personally encountered, never talked to you, and never really made an effort to love you back? Is it really cruel for me to fall for someone so out of reach, so out of my league, and so... away. Very much away from me, approximately 7000 miles and a time difference of 7 hours. That kind of away, literally.
Let's call him Tealus Knight.
I don't gush about it. Well, didn't until some 2 years ago when I can't stop smiling everytime I talk to him or I can't stop from blushing with just the very thought of him. A simple 3d interactive game was all it takes to meet this guy who made me feel anything but special. I made this complicated coz I eventually ended up falling in love with him, 6-feet head over heels in love with him.
I never had the chance to meet him personally, nor did I get the chance to talk to him over the phone. Everything was, and is, platonic. I leave a message on Facebook, he replies. I tweet, he retweets and @'d me. I go online, he's not. He tells me how time different sucks but he never made an effort equal to mine. Geez, I stay up until 4:00 AM just to check if he'll go online and more of often he's not. I check his pages frequently just to get the hang out of missing him. I think of sending him snail mails because I think it's cute and I hope it would give me a space in his heart. He crosses my mind every single breathing time that I have. He has become the reason why I want to draw again, make sketches, and just appreciate art. This is as complicated as Quantum Physics which I sincerely don't understand!
Everything I do now is because of him. I work because if I'll stay home, I'll do nothing but check his page every now and then. I want to stay home during the weekends to see if he'll go online. If he does, I want to talk about something that might interest him but since there's really nothing a lot in common between us, we talk about just anything else.
Songs I hear nowadays are songs about distance, missing someone, falling in love without having met him yet, and just about every think I can correlate to him. He's a beautiful distraction of my already messy life.
He's ever thing I want and he's everything but mine.
He talks about art, he makes good artworks, he's into Dr. Who which is a rather weird and fascinating for a TV series, he loves astronomy which is cool coz I would love to see stars, and he likes Physics. But my mind doesn't think Physics which makes me feel dumb and stupid every time I talk to him. I always feel bad for myself coz my confidence seemed to have lost its way to me. Having him around isn't helping my confidence at all. But without him, I think I'd be lost. With all his "geek-ness", he's this guy who happens to be at the wrong side of the world.
I watched The Sorcerer's Apprentice yesterday and this guy, David - the Prime Merlinian, is so much alike in some ways with this bizarre creature I think I love. Taelus Knight may not be the sole loser David was in the movie, but the entire duration of the movie - a whole 3 hours, I have thought about no one but Taelus. They both adore Physics and the complications of it, and they're both cute. He might not have a secret lab and no evil sorcerer hunting him, but I just can't help but picture him as that David who doesn't have an idea how gorgeous he is. But I prefer David when it comes to girls, he didn't flirt much with anyone else, unlike Tealus who has a lot these lady friends who for some reasons I am jealous of, a little... just very little, like a pint of jealousy.
Other than that, David wore hoodies. So good that it looked like Taelus wearing his gray hoodies in the middle of that tall grass or playing around the snow one super winter day in UK. I have always thought hoodies are cute but Taelus takes cuteness to the next level, like amazingly handsome creature with blue green eyes and slightly brownish blonde hair -- that kind of cute.
And every time I talk about him, I smile yet feel stupid because if I'll really think about it, we are total strangers and there's this .01% chance of seeing him. I've told myself so many times that I would start letting go of someone who was never mine, figure that out! But I can't. I don't see myself without him just yet. He has become this part of me which would leave me empty if he'll disappear. I felt like this once and he broke my heart without knowing. This time around, nothing's different PLUS the fact that there's this huge distance in between and I can never compete with distance. I can't beat proximity and I will never win against women who talks his 'language' (e.g.: arts, physics, solar system, etc). But stupid as I am, I don't see myself with somebody else, just him.
Taelus Knight and VickyCee.
Tom and Dhem.
Us.
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