It's a cold night.
My heart's beating so hard and my tummy feels like it has a million butterflies running amok.
I'm not going onstage or prepping up for a big game but it feels like i'm about to do something scary or go into the unknown.
Sh*t. I get it.
I hate nights like these when memories you've put behind locked doors with the key thrown away tries to escape between the cracks.
Double Sh*t. I'm alone with no alcohol in sight, no cable tv and the romance novels i have seems too icky to read.
I'm restless.
I've got to do something.
It's now raining.
Triple sh*t. I'm running out of options.
I'm going to get past this. I've always shoved the memories back behind those big doors and i've always managed to tape the cracks. Today isn't going to be different.
I can't for the life of me go on a soul-searching-face-the-past-go-on-deep-introspection-thing now. I'm not ready to cry and i'm not ready to face the facts and swallow it whole when i know it's going to come back up my throat and out of my mouth and i have to take a long hard look at it.
I've read it somewhere that you should only allow yourself one good cry, then after that you should fix what needs to be fixed and face what needs to be faced.
I can't do that yet. I hurt like hell just thinking about it. Facing the past now will break me and i don't think i can pick up the pieces of me when that happens.
Uggghh! Why can't i just forget? Somebody should have invented something that erases unwanted memories. I would be first in line to buy that thing.
I have to live with this... no matter how unwanted... no matter how much it hurts... i was there...
I have no choice.
I will be strong. For now the doors will stay closed and for now.. i'm going to be a coward.
My heart's beating so hard and my tummy feels like it has a million butterflies running amok.
I'm not going onstage or prepping up for a big game but it feels like i'm about to do something scary or go into the unknown.
Sh*t. I get it.
I hate nights like these when memories you've put behind locked doors with the key thrown away tries to escape between the cracks.
Double Sh*t. I'm alone with no alcohol in sight, no cable tv and the romance novels i have seems too icky to read.
I'm restless.
I've got to do something.
It's now raining.
Triple sh*t. I'm running out of options.
I'm going to get past this. I've always shoved the memories back behind those big doors and i've always managed to tape the cracks. Today isn't going to be different.
I can't for the life of me go on a soul-searching-face-the-past-go-on-deep-introspection-thing now. I'm not ready to cry and i'm not ready to face the facts and swallow it whole when i know it's going to come back up my throat and out of my mouth and i have to take a long hard look at it.
I've read it somewhere that you should only allow yourself one good cry, then after that you should fix what needs to be fixed and face what needs to be faced.
I can't do that yet. I hurt like hell just thinking about it. Facing the past now will break me and i don't think i can pick up the pieces of me when that happens.
Uggghh! Why can't i just forget? Somebody should have invented something that erases unwanted memories. I would be first in line to buy that thing.
I have to live with this... no matter how unwanted... no matter how much it hurts... i was there...
I have no choice.
I will be strong. For now the doors will stay closed and for now.. i'm going to be a coward.
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Comments
Posted: Nov 06, 2007
Have you seen the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? One of my faves -- they tried so hard to erase their memories :D BEB
Have you seen the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? One of my faves -- they tried so hard to erase their memories :D BEB
Posted: Sep 20, 2007
coward! waaaah peace :P unwanted memories for now you mean right? by the time you get over it, uhm, you'll want it back? hihihi i kid :P -dummymael
coward! waaaah peace :P unwanted memories for now you mean right? by the time you get over it, uhm, you'll want it back? hihihi i kid :P -dummymael
Posted: Sep 18, 2007
"Somebody should have invented something that erases unwanted memories. I would be first in line to buy that thing." <-- and I would be next to you... huhuhuh
"Somebody should have invented something that erases unwanted memories. I would be first in line to buy that thing." <-- and I would be next to you... huhuhuh
Posted: Sep 18, 2007
so true tsixilog.. so very true.. :)
so true tsixilog.. so very true.. :)
